I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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