Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
