she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
