she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
