Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
