I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
