If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
