She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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