Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
