guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?