Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
