How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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