I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude. I can hear the air.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize