Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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