Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
