i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't put those talents on a resume
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
