Its about making memories worth repressing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
