I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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