My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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