So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat