so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs