Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg the world wants us to be better people