what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
