If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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