and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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