Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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