i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
