Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
4 words: hood of his car
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
