is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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