hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐