im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world