Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......