I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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