I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
