I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
