Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
