dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
