I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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