; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
