Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
