I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
