I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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