Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
