did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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