I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
