Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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