Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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