Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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