Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize