guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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