we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
