It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
