Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
