Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
