I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
