They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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