Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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