I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
