No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
