You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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