see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
