I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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